More living less forcing

I've been letting a part of me die recently

I have been letting a very deep part of me die recently. 

It’s the part of me who forces, pushes and endures to make things happen.

I have peeled back layers of this part of me for several years. It’s the part that saw my self-worth tied to my output, it’s the part that has burned me out several times, it’s the part that when things aren’t working out in life, she thinks the answer is to just work harder, she tries to force outcomes.

The more I have been with this part and paid close attention to my own patterns, the more I see that forcing is never the answer. If I feel I need to force myself to make something happen, that’s a sign for me to take a pause, reflect and either pivot or let go completely. 

When it comes to moving towards the things that we want in life, the how and the when are not really up to us. 

When we get attached to the how or the when, we ultimately suffer. When we allow the how and when to be a mystery and stay open to plans shifting, life really does give us exactly what we need but often in a way that looks nothing like we planned. This is the ultimate path of trust and surrender. 

There is a difference between showing up consistently and forcing. 

In order to make anything happen, we have to show up consistently. We have to devote ourselves. And right now my work is to recognize when that devotion unconsciously shifts into force. It takes a lot of discernment and I’m enjoying the process. 

I’m not here to force myself through life, I’m here to live my life. 

---