Why I totally missed Taylor Swifts Reputation album
...and how she inspired some deep healing for my former self
I am someone who gets obsessed with one song for a long period of time. I will take walks and literally listen to one song over and over again. For days. I don’t get tired of it and just want more. And eventually, I will move on to something else. I just decided Im going to make a Spotify album of all of my obsession/song binge songs….get ready friends…my taste is eclectic lol.
A few days ago, I was watching one of Benny Drama’s sketches on Instagram (obsessed with him) where he and his boyfriend go on a date to Taylor Swift’s Eras tour. On their drive, they were singing along to Taylor’s song, “Delicate” and it was so cute. I had heard the song but had never really LISTENED to it. You guys, I think I’ve been sleeping on Taylor Swift. This was possibly the first time I had searched “Taylor Swift” in my Spotify app. So I listened to “Delicate.” Then I listened again. And then again. And then it became one of my full multi-day song binges. This is peak I’m Just Listening, amiright?
I started thinking, “how did I miss this song?” I looked it up and it came out in 2017 on her Reputation album (so many good songs). When I think about what I was doing in a certain year, I do what everyone does, go to my Google Drive of photos. I have been putting my iPhone photos into folders for each year since 2014. There’s a folder for each year and then if there is a special trip or something, I will make a special folder for that too. I feel like iCloud has figured this out for me but, I’m sure someone can relate to this, it’s really hard to change technology habits. So I’m sticking with “the drive” for now but I’ll keep you in the loop about my photo storage journey*, ok?
Anyway, I scrolled through the 2017 photo folder. And wow, your girl was doing the most. Traveling to multiple states for meetings, trade shows and tabling events, trips for fun, business growing like crazy, hosting, working out, community service, and so much more. It gives me so many feels when I look back on when I was operating at full steam ahead in all areas of life like that. I’m not going to lie, since healing from burnout and completely changing the way I operate in life (no biggie), I have tended to look back at that version of me with sadness. Like, “aww you were doing the most because you were putting all of your self worth outside of yourself, sweetie.” But for the first time, seeing these photos, I looked at that version of me with so much love and pride. Yes, my self worth was outside of myself, but I didn’t know that at the time. I loved was I was doing, had so much energy to go and do it and I slayed. I showed the fuck up. I looked at 2017 and all that I accomplished and felt so proud of that version of me for the first time. It was so healing. Thank you, Taylor Swift…or Benito Skinner?
I am just marveling at how much we can change, be kinder to ourselves and our bodies, and shift our relationships to ourselves. And also how easy it is to reject or think of your past self as “wrong” because you know better now. But loving the past versions and the unhealed parts is sooooo a part of the journey*. To the versions that didn’t know better, that didn’t have the tools or awareness I have now, I thank you. I love you. I am living and enjoying so many fruits of all of the labor that my former self put in at that time. I wouldn’t be here without her. So I’m feeling really grateful today for my past self and how she got me to where I am today. Tearing up while writing this, damn.
Have you experienced rejecting a past version of you? I would love to hear any insights or shares in the comments <3
* to understand this joke, you need to subscribe and read my welcome email
To celebrate 2017 Samantha, I am going to list some of things that I accomplished and share some photos. It was such a big year for me.
I started the year in Hudson, NY celebrating NYE with friends
Some small renovation projects in the house Ian and I bought at the end of 2016
There were 3 meetings with Starbucks, 2 in Seattle and 1 in NYC
Emmy’s launched in Starbucks. So major.
A trip to SF to present about B Corps to our coconut suppliers on their company retreat and then a visit to Ian’s dad in Oakland.
A trip to Austin to sample Emmy’s at an event for Whole Foods top management
Three trade shows: Anaheim, NYC and Baltimore
A sampling event for a Foundermade event in NYC
Two trips to Tulum, one with my two closest girlfriends since middle school and one with Ian.
A trip to Orlando for a Barnes & Noble College event where my Dad came and helped.
A few trips to visit my mom
Five weddings: two in Vermont (one of which we drove to Portland, ME afterwards to present Emmy’s to Hannaford), two in Ithaca and one in Fishes Eddy, NY.
A bachelorette party in Key West
So much hosting in Ithaca, friends, work colleagues from Emmy’s, family, etc.
Two trips to Bentonville, Arkansas to meet with Walmart
A trip to Cleveland, OH for a Kroger tabling event and then a drive across the border to Kentucky to see our products in a Costco location for the first time.
A festival in Ithaca where we had an Emmy’s booth and then Grassroots, the music festival outside of Ithaca where Ian played.
I had a basal cell surgically removed on my nose that was pretty traumatizing
A community service day with some of the Emmy’s team
A trip to Florida to see my “spiritual grandma” for one of the last times…more on her soon
An epic Halloween party Ian played where I dressed up like a disco ball
An epic Emmy’s holiday party
